I suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder; which is an anxiety based disorder that includes intrusive thoughts, repetitive behaviours, and general obsessions. Utilizing OCD to my advantage and learning how to wield it effectively allows me to focus hard and not miss any details in my life. Most consider it a downfall or an "issue," the key is to take a step out of the shadow of negatives and into the light. I find it to be a blessing as it allows me to achieve my maximum potential through extreme brain power. Yes there are odd side effects, but the key is to put a positive spin on everything. The following are some examples of what I deal with and how they can be of aid in my life. 

It gives me a touch of perfectionism. Things must be aligned, proper and respect the boundaries set in place. For example when working on school projects I will not be satisfied 'till things are 100% completed and done properly. I enjoy being proud of my completed works and feel embarrassed to share anything that hasn't had all my heart and soul poured into it.

I have an obsession over being clean and tidy. This leads to extreme organization and a spotless working environment.

I constantly check things repeatedly. You will find me looking around a lot at the floor, the ceiling, myself, others, my items etc. I'm constantly evaluating my surroundings and I take notes of every subtle movement. This ties back with perfectionism and placement. Things have to be in the right places or I begin to stress over them and proceed to fix them. I'm sure most of my classmates notice me take my glasses off and put them back on... over and over. This is because if they are not 100% comfortable I have to adjust them. It drives me absolutely insane having to constantly move them but I cannot help myself. Checking has led me to have an excellent sense of awareness and never forget the little things like leaving the door unlocked.

I count and arrange things obsessively. In elementary school they could not have the clocks up on the walls as I would always count every second and plan the next minute, half hour, hour, day etc. Always thinking of my next move and attempting to perceive what would occur around me next. It would drive me insane. Now I wear a watch and even though I check it almost every minute, I've gotten better at controlling my obsession. Counting has led me to never be late for anything. Period. As well as incredible planning and efficiency.

Now I'm not a washer like most assume because I have OCD. So I don't wash my hands like a mad man. Though I do hate contamination, and will proceed to clean myself off instantly if I get dirty. This is good as I rarely get sick, due to being clean.

I doubt things a lot. I'm afraid things won't be perfect or done correctly. When working on group projects at school you'll find me constantly question the quality of our work, rehearsing and attempting to improve it at all costs. Things have to go 100% smoothly or I start to get headaches.

Tapping and motions... this annoys those around me I know for a fact. I can't stay still so something has to be moving. However I move not because I want to but because I have a compulsion to. The more I move, the more I can focus my brain on the tasks. It helps clear my thoughts because if I don't move it's as if my brain gets clouded and I begin to battle a war within my mind. This can allow for extreme focus when necessary.

The last thing and most irritating for me is thought intrusion. There will be times where I am thinking about something and then a random thought pops in. Something I don't want to think about but it gets stuck. So I then have to fight the thought out of my mind and it can drive me insane. I've had horrible timing during tests with it. I will be doing math and write down a number, for example "7." Then when I move onto the next questions that "7" sticks with me and from there on in it finds its way into every equation for no reason. So I need to fight the thought and push it out. The only time this comes in handy is when I have to memorize or remember something.

So there you have it! I "suffer" from involuntary, seemingly uncontrollable thoughts, images and deal with impulses. But I've found ways to accept them and use them to my advantage.


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1 comment:

  1. I also have OCD, sometimes It helps out and other times...not so much.


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